Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Won't waste my hate on you

giToday was very challenging. Coming off a very big high (not that kind!) seeing my favorite band for the first time in concert last night (still won't tell who it is but anyone that knows me knows the answer anyway), things at work occurred today that really got me down down down.

In the corporate IT world, a "re-org" is almost a regular occurrence, where leadership for one reason or another decides to mix things up and reorganizes the various team structures. Needless to say, I was not intially happy with where I wound up on the org charts...
Not that I can honestly complain, this petty angst I feel. I should be thankful that I have a job with a decent salary. I should be thankful that I have a solid group of peers to lean on and commiserate with. I have a wonderful, supportive, and understanding family…

...But I can't seem to shake the burn that festers within. It leaves me feeling disappointed with this exposure of my very human trait of not being thankful for what I have. Instead, I waste my hate on trivial things that don't really count for crap at the end of the day. How could I let my stomach twist and retributionary thoughts run rampant in my head? I think its a very sobering situation that God has dealt me so I can take a step back and evaluate not only how I am going to cope with change (don't we all hate change?), but also my attitude in general. Am I being the best I can be (don't worry, not joining the army!), am I taking it in stride with dignity, or am I total F-up, complaining and worrying like a selfish ingrate?

Sometimes it sucks to realize that one is a selfish SOB. Ah, life - isn't it grand. I just need to remember to save my hate for things that truly deserve it.

4 comments:

elisha said...

this is soooo true! I love the line-"don't waste the hate." I'm glad I married you!

Leah said...

I didn't realize that was the 1st time you them!! I would have been more excited for you! And now I am, I am glad you had a really great time!! And you are not selfish being concerned about your job...I think you are legitimate to feel worried and pissed off...but I;m sure that will fade with time..we DO all hate change, at least, me too, anyway...but ultimately you realize you are lucky to have such a job, in this economy, so that's what counts...I hope you are able to adjust sooner than later, and that everything works out for the best...

Anonymous said...

You can never win in the business world whether government or corporate. You get angry, feel they don't know what they are doing (9 times out of 10, they don't) stew about it and then realize there is nothing you can do and just move on. Also, you must learn how to play the game even if you have to wait for a long time before you can take action or prove something. You are normal to have all those feelings, but try not to take them out on the ones who love you.
Also, I know you don't want to hear it again, but be thankful that you have a decent paying job at this time. Love you.

savorit said...

Great post. Sorry you are feeling discontent with the J-O-B. Unfortunately it seems that way with most these days, and although many people DO have it worse, it shouldn't discount the feelings you have. You and Elisha should enroll in an "embracing change" workshop. :) Might do you both some good. hehe. Hope you had a lovely birthday and really love your writing style on the blog!